Depression and Redemption

This morning I heard about a gospel singer-song writer, John Waller, who said God redeemed him from his longtime battle with depression. His album, "As for Me and My House," is a celebration of God's redeeming power and blessing for family. What a testimony!

Sometimes I wonder about those who suffer with depression today. How many are there? Millions. About 9% of the U.S population are diagnosed with clinical depression each year. Are those millions suffering alone? To me depression is a disease of isolation. God does not want us to live isolated lives. Look up. Find hope. Take the first step toward that pin prick of light. That tiny light shining into the well you find yourself in is hope for our heavenly father's love.

A few short years ago I too wrestled with clinical depression. It was the most difficult fight I have faced to date. Depression effected every corner of my life and any cracks quickly ruptured into emotional devastation. I wore my ragged happy mask in public, but at home that mask was tossed away.

My wife bore the brunt of my storming rages. She had no one to talk to and my depression became hers. It nearly tore us apart because she loved me but hated what I was going through and most of all the toll my crumbling emotions were taking on her and our children.

I didn't realize just how terrible things had gotten for my family. Everyone I loved most feared me. It was a dark, lonely time. I was like a wounded bear. I could explode over the smallest incident and they would suffer a severe emotional mauling. Looking back I see how painful I made their lives.

Today, I'm free from the chains of depression. Like, Waller, I believe God redeemed me too. Yes it was a difficult process to come through. No, I did not exert some act of iron will. I was powerless and God just did it all.

God saved me from that debilitating disease. For a while I was afraid my depressive tendencies would return. I sought assurances I was getting better from my wife, family and trusted friends. My strongest desire was to overcome depression's tyranny and be the best husband and father I could be.

But, all of this transformation was not my own doing; yes I took baby steps toward the light, but, God constantly planted the garden of a happy, healthy family, blessed by Him, inside my heart and when I couldn't water it He did.

"Have no fear the battle's won."-John Waller- Our God Reigns Here.

Does Something Bad Happen When You Listen to Christmas Songs in July?

It's July, and yes it was over a hundred degrees outside today! Christmas songs lilted through my headphones as I melted in the heat. The music kinda took some of the edge off the misery. The weird juxtaposition of the holidays got me thinking.

When my kids were little they insisted we listen to Christmas songs all year long. They were oblivious to the "rules". They didn't know they were breaking anything they just liked the songs. I remember thinking, why not? Besides, it's kinda fun to break conventional mores every once in a while. I'm always up for that!

I guess my point is it's easy to find a comfortable conventional spot and build a nest. I for one have a long and wide irreverent  streak and anytime that round peg butts up against a square hole I want to play too! I'd like my kids to understand customs are good, even important but that's precisely why, on occasion, it's good to enjoy a little Christmas cheer in July. They learn to keep things in perspective.

Well, the answer to the question is obvious, I hope. Plus, there is no hassle buying everyone presents.

Five Things I Hate About Fatherhood!

I like being Dad and love my kids. But, you know what? There are five things I hate about fatherhood!

1. Gross, elementary aged kids with unwiped runny noses. Especially noses with crusty, dehydrated boogers pasted to their nostrils and upper lips, who happen to come to my kids sleepover. Please, people chisel that mess off in the driveway before you let them into my house. As an aside, I don't like power washing kids faces either.

2. Texting. Yes, I know texting is a useful feature for my phone. In general. But, when my kid uses text spell to ask an intricate three part question, I punch in, two of my favorite letters "n" and "o." Here's why... I kinda like seeing fully spelled words when I read stuff. I don't care if they are misspelled words. I can figure those out. I'm a great misspeller of many famous words myself. But, when I have to go to the online texting glossary to find the definition to "omg I lol every time  my bff GL poots! ttyl ; )" It just makes me grumpy.

3. Putting money into the "Pout Pot" also known as the complaining jar. Everyone complains. We all have days were we just get fed up with stupidity. I think we can agree it's okay to complain about the big things. But, when there is a whiney voice lamenting how bored they are. (the kids) Or, yelling at slower traffic in the left lane. (umm, me) Followed by a small chorus singing, "You gotta  drop a quarter in the 'Pout Pot' Daddy!" I don't like it.

4. Going on a safari for the lost TV remote. I know what Stanley learned during his epic expedition to find Dr. Livingstone in the heart of Africa. I relive his trials all too frequently, hunting for that most elusive of quarry the lost TV remote. Names shall not be given here, but one time it was found in the fridge. On the other hand, like Stanley, when he finds Dr. Livingstone and the arduous trek is done, I am filled with overwhelming joy when the remote is finally found on Game Day.

5. Underwear left in wrong-side out jeans. Enough said. Just so you know I don't mind taking my turn doing laundry. I'm a good folder. Recently, however,  I've instituted a wash as is policy, and yes people, I'm gonna laugh at you when there are two pairs of underwear left in one pair of wrong-side out jeans.