Depression and Redemption

This morning I heard about a gospel singer-song writer, John Waller, who said God redeemed him from his longtime battle with depression. His album, "As for Me and My House," is a celebration of God's redeeming power and blessing for family. What a testimony!

Sometimes I wonder about those who suffer with depression today. How many are there? Millions. About 9% of the U.S population are diagnosed with clinical depression each year. Are those millions suffering alone? To me depression is a disease of isolation. God does not want us to live isolated lives. Look up. Find hope. Take the first step toward that pin prick of light. That tiny light shining into the well you find yourself in is hope for our heavenly father's love.

A few short years ago I too wrestled with clinical depression. It was the most difficult fight I have faced to date. Depression effected every corner of my life and any cracks quickly ruptured into emotional devastation. I wore my ragged happy mask in public, but at home that mask was tossed away.

My wife bore the brunt of my storming rages. She had no one to talk to and my depression became hers. It nearly tore us apart because she loved me but hated what I was going through and most of all the toll my crumbling emotions were taking on her and our children.

I didn't realize just how terrible things had gotten for my family. Everyone I loved most feared me. It was a dark, lonely time. I was like a wounded bear. I could explode over the smallest incident and they would suffer a severe emotional mauling. Looking back I see how painful I made their lives.

Today, I'm free from the chains of depression. Like, Waller, I believe God redeemed me too. Yes it was a difficult process to come through. No, I did not exert some act of iron will. I was powerless and God just did it all.

God saved me from that debilitating disease. For a while I was afraid my depressive tendencies would return. I sought assurances I was getting better from my wife, family and trusted friends. My strongest desire was to overcome depression's tyranny and be the best husband and father I could be.

But, all of this transformation was not my own doing; yes I took baby steps toward the light, but, God constantly planted the garden of a happy, healthy family, blessed by Him, inside my heart and when I couldn't water it He did.

"Have no fear the battle's won."-John Waller- Our God Reigns Here.