This morning I heard about a gospel singer-song writer, John Waller, who said God redeemed him from his longtime battle with depression. His album, "As for Me and My House," is a celebration of God's redeeming power and blessing for family. What a testimony!
Sometimes I wonder about those who suffer with depression today. How many are there? Millions. About 9% of the U.S population are diagnosed with clinical depression each year. Are those millions suffering alone? To me depression is a disease of isolation. God does not want us to live isolated lives. Look up. Find hope. Take the first step toward that pin prick of light. That tiny light shining into the well you find yourself in is hope for our heavenly father's love.
A few short years ago I too wrestled with clinical depression. It was the most difficult fight I have faced to date. Depression effected every corner of my life and any cracks quickly ruptured into emotional devastation. I wore my ragged happy mask in public, but at home that mask was tossed away.
My wife bore the brunt of my storming rages. She had no one to talk to and my depression became hers. It nearly tore us apart because she loved me but hated what I was going through and most of all the toll my crumbling emotions were taking on her and our children.
I didn't realize just how terrible things had gotten for my family. Everyone I loved most feared me. It was a dark, lonely time. I was like a wounded bear. I could explode over the smallest incident and they would suffer a severe emotional mauling. Looking back I see how painful I made their lives.
Today, I'm free from the chains of depression. Like, Waller, I believe God redeemed me too. Yes it was a difficult process to come through. No, I did not exert some act of iron will. I was powerless and God just did it all.
God saved me from that debilitating disease. For a while I was afraid my depressive tendencies would return. I sought assurances I was getting better from my wife, family and trusted friends. My strongest desire was to overcome depression's tyranny and be the best husband and father I could be.
But, all of this transformation was not my own doing; yes I took baby steps toward the light, but, God constantly planted the garden of a happy, healthy family, blessed by Him, inside my heart and when I couldn't water it He did.
"Have no fear the battle's won."-John Waller- Our God Reigns Here.
However, my children have decided I do not read enough fiction. My oldest thinks it's an abomination I have not read Harry Potter. So she proceeded to read them to me. Wonderful, delightful, funny, engaging, my daughter is. She has an encyclopedic knowledge of each character, and narrates the story with flare. Of course J.K. Rowling has done a nice job writing as well. The point is my daughter and I have spent hours together laughing and screaming and just enjoying good company with a book, even a book I would probably never pick up on my own. By the way we are on book seven, don't spoil the ending!
I've noticed too that just as my children's personalities are different their taste in stories are different as well. My youngest is not very into H.P. short of watching the movies. That's not to say she doesn't read she does a lot. She reads more than I do and remembers the storylines better than I do too. Currently we are reading Paint the Wind by Pam Munoz Ryan. It happens to be her favorite book. And yes, We've read the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. If you don't know what to read with your child start with Jeff Kinney. He's fun and offbeat and short, so he'll leave you wanting more. Especially if your kid reads it to you.
Then, I thought about my daughter's 4H goat, Comet. We take Comet for a walk every day. Goats are very tough and stubborn. In his pen he is sweet as pie but he's a show goat and has to be trained. So, we put a training collar on him to lead and brace him. The collar is like a goad and I've got to tell you from the first day we took him out he was desperate to get away. He kicks and butts and bites and digs his heels in like he's being lead to his doom. He has a hard time on his walks because he kicks against the goads.
Thinking about 9/11. Praying for my country that God would reveal himself to those of us crying out to Him. Our God reigns in chaos and suffering. Paul wrote in Romans:
I took my daughter to our first FFA goat auction. I was prepared to spend upwards of $500 for our goat. We looked over all the animals. There were sixty. We made notes on several. We registered for our bidding number. Wow, we are really going home with one of these critters. It was fun.
1. Gross, elementary aged kids with unwiped runny noses. Especially noses with crusty, dehydrated boogers pasted to their nostrils and upper lips, who happen to come to my kids sleepover. Please, people chisel that mess off in the driveway before you let them into my house. As an aside, I don't like power washing kids faces either.
While driving out there we worried that it would be hot. It was. There might be rattlesnakes. We each signed a release and I carried a shovel with me everywhere we went. We found lizards but no rattlesnakes. I thought we might get to try kayaking on the lazy Guadalupe river. We didn't.
He's also the prototype of someone who has faced tragedy and overcame devastation. One year before his MVP game on the NFL's biggest stage he faced double murder charges. He's a father who had to explain to his son why he was in jail. That's a gut check.
